Today is a new day in my life.
Today, I will forget everything and everyone that had been in my past.
Today I will set all my wrongs right.
Today, I pledge to follow a new set of principles that will govern my life.
Today, I am going to start afresh.
All of us have had thoughts on similar grounds at some point in our lives. Some of us have honoured it while some of us have made efforts but stuttered on the path. Despite the gulf between these different category of people, each and everyone has inherently been making the same choices as before. In other words, we never become better. Again, this better implies a lot of things. We make new choices centric to different aspects of ourselves. Here, I am focusing solely on relationships.
What do we define to be a relationship? Literally, any interaction is a sort of relationship or the other. However, any discussion on a subject as broad as this is never going to end up anywhere. Therefore, I would like to delve into the subject of 'close' relationships.
What are 'close' relationships?
"Well, they are people with whom we are 'close'."
"These are people with whom we can share our inner feelings and speak our minds knowing we have their full support."
These are some of the viewpoints we generally get from people when questioned on the same.
I am not debating on the definition of a 'close' relationship rather what brings people 'close'. I am a common man with no extra-ordinary gifts and thus I too accept a person to be close to me with whom I can share my feelings. I am sure it works the same way for most of the people. However, a lot has been on my mind recently and it got me thinking on these lines.
I am beginning to view such interpersonal activities more of a sort of PROSTITUTION of LANGUAGE. When I feel hungry and want to treat myself to a meal in a lavish restaurant, I can just call a friend and tell him we are going outside. He is never going to ask me 'why'? On the other hand, for example, if a man asks his lady for her company, she is always going to believe that there is a special reason behind it. The man will have to wittingly use a combination of words to first appease her and impress upon her that he would be here with nobody else. He will have to fabricate his hunger in a mould that it is not.
In a general sense, coming close almost always implies sharing your woes. When you are happy, you don't need to talk about it. It can be felt by anyone. But when you are hiding something, there will come a point where you would need to open up to someone or 'share your woes'. I feel relationships are built on this mutual sharing of woes and are destroyed because of these woes. Once, you have shared your darkest secrets with someone, you become vulnerable to that person. A relationship develops and this continued sharing of woes makes the bond stronger. A few may argue that I am overlooking the other aspects of a relationship, but truly strength lies in despair. A relationship ends because one partner has done his part of sharing and is free to start again. He is no longer interested in listening to the woes of the other. This is where everything starts deteriorating.
Think closely. What have we done if not used language for a living. We accumulate trash in our heads through the medium of thoughts, and let go perfectly through relationships with language as the medium. What is this if not sheer prostitution.
About making those new choices and not becoming better; we let go of the past and profess prostitution again, only the actors change.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Perhaps you are making a bit too much out of a simple thing. Language was perhaps invented to be pimped.
ReplyDelete"In a general sense, coming close almost always implies sharing your woes." - Agree with this statement completely.
But then the beauty of relations lie in the fact that it has different significance for each involved in it. It's never the same for every one. Some are more attached, others less, others even merely care about a companion for restaurants. :)
I may be looking too much into it but what I have observed it is if you can't pimp language, it's going to be a difficult ride here.
ReplyDeleteDiverse as we all are in our tastes and wants, relations;I agree mean different for everyone involved. What I have jotted down is an observation I have made of events that occurred quite recently and maybe this point of view just applies to me.
Often we get disillusioned about the people around us. GENERALLY, we side with those who can pimp language well. I find it quite unfair.
Again.. You did put forward your point in a very beautiful way.. But again, i agree with kage.. Getting close to a person implies sharing your woes but again some ppl tend to share woes with good listeners and some with good level of understanding who can give dem good advice.
ReplyDeleteAnd, again beauty of a relationship lies in feelings for the other person not how and what you share. Ya definitely, if he/she is the same person with whom you love to share everything it is like icing on the cake. Again, the catch is sometimes or rather many times this sharing nature creates problem in your relationship because of the dissimilarity in the understanding level of the two.
For instance, what do you think.. Can two ppl in love can be best friends also??.. Yes, they can be but only handful of such relationship lasts for long.
And, yes when you talk about language one must know how to pimp it. But, the way my mind and heart makes me think it limits merely to getting close. A relationship always stands on the things you do and not on what you say.
All these are related to what i have seen and experienced in life so far. Anyways, am in the same league of ppl who think your partner can be and should be your best friend.
I so much want to believe what you say Jajo. All about what you feel and not share and also that bit about relationship standing on things you do and not say. But my question is, does it always happen this way ? When you move forward in a relationship, selfish all we are, don't you crave for that bit extra and when denied the same feel thwarted?
ReplyDeleteHmmm ya its true. And, this is the point where in most of the relationships twists n turns take place. Ppl move away from the one whom they love only because the other person dont share everything. This is the time when a person's selfish nature dominates but after breaking the relationship deep inside themselves they feel and ask themselves did he/she take the right step. And, then they feel no it was not right and their feelings for the other person gets stronger and he/she misses their loved ones more and tend to move towards the so called depression or not in a good state of mind.
ReplyDeleteThen, only they realize that sharing everything is not whole n sole of a relationship its the feelings which matter and now you can say the person is matured or has grown up. Its now when they realize if the other person comes back in their life he/she will be the most happy person and wont ever complain about this non sharing part.
Everyone or rather i would say most of the ppl love to spend some time with themselves. You must appreciate this feeling of other person and give your loved one some space. Sooner or later, your loved one will definitely share everything with you and feel more about you because you are so understanding and matured.
This is a never ending debate one can say. However, i will just put forward my point some other person will definitely have different opinion about it. Lastly, i would like to say if you love someone love her selflessly and accept all the flaws of the other person. Again, acceptance is also one of the major factors in building a relationship.
I know it hurts and it hurts a lot when you have some expectations about your loved one and she does not full fill your expectations. But, this is the time when your feelings or so called love comes into play. You must be so strong that your feeling dominates over your selfish nature. Compromise with few things and compromise with the correct things and everything falls on the right path.
I get your opinion on acceptance and believing and standing by. But to what extent? There has to come a time when the selfish you takes over. Again I repeat, everyone is selfish no matter what they profess or claim to be their intention. You may want to improve and mature for your better half. But this period may stamp upon you the feeling of dissatisfaction and an unsatisfied person is a beast. It is divine to stand by your partner and accept all faults of theirs and when you have given apt company and it is you that nears ears, I have seen people shying away. What I say are just observations about people.
ReplyDeleteHowever, at the end of the day, as I said, I am a common man, if such a situation were to befall me, I would gladly stand up and bear the brunt of this dissatisfaction in the hope of pleasures ahead [being SELFISH I know :)].. This I concede but it does not change the fact that it is a very cruel world..
And, I hate pimps getting so much attention.. They just mask themselves with the aid of their gift. But who wouldn't !
i would say that you are overcomplicating things as karan says... relationships are not about giving and taking things... its about the moment its about fulfilling the need of a companion its about spending time. you can never expect a person to share woes with you, it comes instinctively time, we all need somebody to talk to when we are bothered, its about finding that somebody. These persons may be different for different issues. I may talk to one person about one issue and to other about some other issue. Now if one of them starts expecting that I talk to him/her about everything than thats the point where it begins to break.
ReplyDeleteAnd talking about lovers.. in the true sense.. according to what i have learned... it takes a beautiful romance to break a perfectly good friendship. So, when you move to being lovers from being friends, you should always keep in mind that you won't be friends ever again.